Rugged Philosopher Gifts

'Yes you did, Mike. You just said 'perchance.' And yesterday you called me 'my good fellow.' Twice.'

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'I'm sorry about the slippers...but I do need the roghage.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

The Farmer Sutra.

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'