Rugged Philosopher Gifts

'Yes you did, Mike. You just said 'perchance.' And yesterday you called me 'my good fellow.' Twice.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'I'm sorry about the slippers...but I do need the roghage.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

The Farmer Sutra.

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It Works For Us."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"