Crisis Comedians Gifts

"Thank heavens I saved my teddy bear... he brings me good luck."

"Armageddon-hotline, please select your current fer from our menu. . ."

A Place of Socially-Distant Locusts

Banana Midlife Crisis

'There were queues for petrol, so I panic-bought charcoal briquettes and bags of boiled sweets instead'

"Yeah, it's bad. In fact, I've been thinking about putting toilet paper and hand sanitizer on my Christmas list instead of toys or clothes!"

British savings accounts

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

How will this impact me?

2020 Panic Room

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

"I always put things off until the last minute."

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

Bear Market.

"The water feature doubles as a plunge pool."

'If the global economy goes bust, there's a middle east war, and ocean levels rise. . .our 'Armageddon fund' will do just fine.'

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

Pessimists saw a ship sinking. Optimists saw that they needn't worry about the Norovirus.