Crisis Comedians Gifts

"Thank heavens I saved my teddy bear... he brings me good luck."

"Armageddon-hotline, please select your current fer from our menu. . ."

A Place of Socially-Distant Locusts

Banana Midlife Crisis

'There were queues for petrol, so I panic-bought charcoal briquettes and bags of boiled sweets instead'

"Yeah, it's bad. In fact, I've been thinking about putting toilet paper and hand sanitizer on my Christmas list instead of toys or clothes!"

British savings accounts

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

"I always put things off until the last minute."

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

Jetsgo out of business.

2020 Panic Room

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

"That's a relief - I thought you said crisis meeting..."

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"The water feature doubles as a plunge pool."

Bear Market.

'If the global economy goes bust, there's a middle east war, and ocean levels rise. . .our 'Armageddon fund' will do just fine.'