Crisis Comedian Gifts

'So, it's taken you six months to finally finish the report on our financial crisis and your solution is: 'We need to make more money'.'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

Pessimists saw a ship sinking. Optimists saw that they needn't worry about the Norovirus.

Don't take too much - we're having a crisis!

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

Noah's Ark

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"We ran out of toilet paper. Luckily, I have a whole box of my resumé."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

Bear Market.

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

"What Kind of fuel am I?"

Bailout.

Corona Crisis Team: Finally Gets Real Experts!

'I got a bit carried away panic buying petrol.'

'The word has come down, Farnsworth. Abandon ship!'

Trusted my Financial Advisor.

Easter Bunny Trump hands out toilet roll.

'Panic buying.'

'If the global economy goes bust, there's a middle east war, and ocean levels rise. . .our 'Armageddon fund' will do just fine.'

Jetsgo out of business.

'According to my bank statement...THEY are overdrawn.'

Plandemic: An uncontrolled outbreak of planning triggered by the identification of plausible new ways to die. Main symptoms: desire to hold press conferences, followed by either mass inoculation or compulsive stockpiling.

'One of our actors is passed out drunk. Is there a spin doctor in the house?'

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

'Once, I was searching the market for stocks. Nowadays, I'm searching the parc for sticks...'

"That's a relief - I thought you said crisis meeting..."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Plumbing Emergency

"I always put things off until the last minute."

"Norman's been panic buying Jerry Cans."