Crisis Satirist Gifts

'Forget his mother. He wants to talk to an agent about selling his story!'

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

Sisyphus and coronavirus

Euro crisis: The euro walking over a cliff

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Merry Christmas

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"You see, honey, no lousy coronavirus is gonna get to us way out here."

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

Bank of Cyprus-sia

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'

Another Rogue Trader