Struggle Satirist Gifts

'My take home pay won't even take me home.'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Yes, one is a dog."

The prying mantis,

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

Inhospitality tent.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Snowman Driver

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Suburban street.

"All the better to ignore you with."

"I started at the bottom and worked my way up to not caring."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

'He did it for us.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

"Endless Summer III"

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'