Social Status Satirist Gifts

Unnecessary Surgery

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Pizzas