Status Symbol Satirist Gifts

"To eventually be rich enough to throw away brand new stuff."

'Norton, you'll never be a great success until you get a smaller cellphone and a bigger automobile.'

'Here comes my first husband-look taller.'

Litter carrier guy has a blow out and will be replaced by a spare.

"What do you mean, you want a bigger office? You work at home!"

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Yes, one is a dog."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The prying mantis,

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Inhospitality tent.

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

That should get you motivated.

California Beverages Map

"God help us, it's that guy."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

'Have you met my vice-presidents?'

"You know what they say...'The desk makes the man.'"

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

Please use another building entirely

"All the better to ignore you with."

"I don't do intimidation"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Wine tasters...

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'