Social Status Humorist Gifts

True, he was born in a log cabin, but, it was THE big log cabin on the hill.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

The Ladies Who Lurch.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Ageism at work'

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

"We'll begin boarding our first-class passengers after a ten-minute pause in honor of the even wealthier people who fly in private jets."

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

We offer no healthcare benefts but offer several fringes benefits.

Shy Man at Party

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

"You're a bit overqualified for this position, how good are you are forgetting everything you know?"

"He may be a child prodigy, but it's still a lousy C.V."

General GI Joe: 'It's about time you were promoted, Joe!'

Unnecessary Surgery

Your CV is rather thin...

'We don't have a pension plan. Nobody has ever worked here that long.'