Recession Comedians Gifts

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'Botox.'

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."