Recession Humorist Gifts

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

"Actually, can I have it in Tesco vouchers?"

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

'The way things are going in the building trade we are never going to be part of a demolition project in our life time.'

'We've experienced something of a recession, Mr. Bosworth, but it seems to have bottomed out.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"We were hoping for a 'V' or 'W' shaped recovery but this seems to be more likely."

Millionaires club: "The bad news is, this recession has forced us to recruit lottery winners!"

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"I'm bored of the recession, and I'm sure you are, too.' - 'That's why I've developed my patented 'Recessionator' (TM) device.' - 'Now repeat after me, 'The British economy is stronger than ever...'

Recession tips & gambling

'So, how big was your 'Bail-Out' bonus?'

"Good news...the people who ran 2008 will be running 2009."

'I'm sorry, Rendleman - But in this economy we just can't justify a company poet.'

'What's the downturn done to your ho, ho, ho?'

'Hey who approved all this stimulus money for basketball arenas.'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

Banker's Hibernation Unit. (Arousal time - FTSE = 7000)

"I see the recession is over"

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Trickledown economics

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'We buy and sell them.'