Recession Humor Gifts

Let's skip the country!

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Until this economy thing straightens out, you'll be working out of your car.'

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

Recession tips : think positively, remember the sky is not falling.

Leprechaun finds EU bail out at the end of a rainbow.

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

'In this economy, I don't say anything without first saying, in this economy...'

'It's from my stockbroker - he'd like to join us.'

'In this economy, money is the lure.'

'Interest rates are down, so we'll only pull one more.'

Ice cube selling penguin out of business.

"It's even worse than I thought!"

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

"What do you want to mention first, the senior defections, the profits warning or the aborted takeover talks?"

Vulture sitting on company profits graph.

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis