Frugal Comedians Gifts

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'No creamed peas for me today!'

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

10,000 Tasty Rabbit Recipes

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

The Fault of the Fowl

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

No Poaching! Scrambling, Frying or Boiling.

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

Seriously, try leaving them out for a day. They're delicious al dente!

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

'Stan, you can still pick up that food! Due to the economy, the five second rule had been modified to eight seconds.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

'Can I take some of your home-made cakes to school for my teacher - I hate her.'

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

Diner. Menu. You overcooked the alphabet soup. The letters aren't holding their shape. We'll just say it's "cursive style"!