Budget Constraint Comedians Gifts

'Bill really wishes the department could afford to replace the extension ladder.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

80 Million Euros for a football player.

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

Bankruptcy court

"Business is terrible. I've already had to refill with red ink two times this month."

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

I've decided to get Elon Musk to send me for a trip around the moon in two years. I set up a Gofundme page to crowdsource money for it. My goal is to raise ten billion dollars. That shouldn't be too hard, considering there are seven billion people on earth. Non of whom are going to give you a dime. I hope not. That would only come to seven hundred million. Annoyed? How'd you like to send me far away? Here's a link to my Gofundme.