Budget Humorist Gifts

"I actually don't know who he is .... but he's cheaper than a body camera."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

10-59 In Progress: 'Robbery of a police officer in progress!!'

"We need to fix an enormous hole in the pension fund. Can I suggest a jumble sale?"

"We've found the money to run a seven day service...as long as all the days are Sundays!"

"Never mind, I'll pick a fight on my way home."

Budget reaction.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Budget Opticians.

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Dollar sign balloon.

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

Computer that runs on money.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"