Budget Humorists Gifts

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men

Thrift: Walk naked behind a person wearing your size clothes!

Just do your job, and stop worring about low bidders

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'