Budget-conscious Humorist Gifts

Budget Opticians.

The Stimulus.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

Have You Claimed Your PPI?

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'

You have back-breaking syndrome. Throw away your credit cards, refinance your mortgage and switch the kids out of private schools into public schools.

More NASA Budget Cuts. . .