Budget-conscious Jokester Gifts

Melvin couldn't afford a crown for his tooth so he got what he could with twenty bucks.

"The shop was so quiet I could hear your overdraft growing."

'Thanks Clyde for an entertaining evening. The forty nine cent hamburger and the ten cent tip will long live in my memory.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Budget reaction.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'Cuts in Roman times.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

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