Budgeting Humorist Gifts

'We're not only living beyond our means, but beyond our wildest dreams too.'

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'...The bad news is that the crusade had some cost overruns....'

More NASA Budget Cuts. . .

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Budget reaction.

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

Budget Opticians.

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

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