Budgeting Humorist Gifts

'We're not only living beyond our means, but beyond our wildest dreams too.'

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'...The bad news is that the crusade had some cost overruns....'

More NASA Budget Cuts. . .

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Budget reaction.

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

Have You Claimed Your PPI?

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'