Budgeting Jokesters Gifts

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"It's dress down day!"

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

Budget Cuts

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

"There have been a few cutbacks in the anesthesiology department."

The main reason I was chosen to be the senior manager is my ability to always be calm, wise and right. . .What's that in your hand?! Is that a shiny thing?!!. . ."

STRIP Hambone: Zebra computer repairman

"This has you as three feet tall but I don't see you as more than two and a half."

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

How about swapping wives for the day?

Living Longer Magazine.