Government Budget Humorist Gifts

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

Fiscal cliff

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget Cuts

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

"There have been a few cutbacks in the anesthesiology department."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

"It's easy being a congressman once you let go of your grip of reality."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'Ooops, wrong door!'

'The anger management class ruined our budget when they ordered love seats.'

'Why retire? Working a nonfunctioning - government is just like being retired.'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."

"Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax. Not having to pay it."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent pay-as-you-go plan of just 2,359 easy payments."

'You've got to do something about your chocolate addition.'

Federal Bureau of Management and Budget - Visit our new website easy.comeasy.gov

'It's 10pm, do you know where your tax loopholes are?'

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

"That's untrue that I suffered moral decay! I started out corrupt!"

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

First and last day as Speaker.

'Price is no issue, Ms. Carter. Hire a consultant who can tell us why the government is in debt and dysfunctional.'

"Don't go all govt. on me."

"Cuts, cuts! I said we need more cuts!"

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'