Budget Analyst Humorist Gifts

Detour to your house.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget Cuts

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Royal Mail Privatisation

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"One good thing about a low budget district, the school year is shorter."

'I know the zoo had cutbacks but this is ridiculous!'

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

GOP Pied Piper.

"Cuts, cuts! I said we need more cuts!"

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"The solution is to do the same as president Trump would do.. Attack on Twitter!"

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'