Budgeting Comedy Gifts

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

Budget reaction.

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'Cuts in Roman times.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'

"We've found the money to run a seven day service...as long as all the days are Sundays!"

'The poor economy is hitting everywhere, Have you noticed they cut back on pockets and halos.'