Thrifty Comedian Gifts

'Of course money can't buy you happiness. Not on what you make!'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Recycling bottle bank.

Where's my global warming?

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

Paper Bath Towels.

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Budget Opticians.

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.

'All profits go directly to charity'

'He'd be handsome even without the big bonus, stock options and obscene salary!'

"Please ... let me get a new hair dryer!"

Make Your Own

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'How can anyone say our factory isn't green? Most of our waste is that colour!'

"Boy oh boy, how will you ever be able to pay your energy bills?"

"It must be good wine for twenty bucks a bottle!"

Acmeville welcomes you to leave your carbon footprint here.

"The idea is simple. You pay us money and all your sins disappear! It's just like purchasing carbon offsets."

"Your prognosis? That depends on your health insurance."

Carbon Trading