Thriftiness Humorist Gifts

Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. 'He's talking about you, you know.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

'If the pound is worth so little, can I have a couple?'

"C'mere, space heater."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Uh, Dad, I appreciate the 'walkin' around money,' but I need 'walkin' around New York City money.'"

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

"Wow, they want $10,000!"

"I don't get it. Dad wants to cut the household budget? How do we do that?"

'Any annuity we can afford wouldn't pay the MILK BILL!'

"Sure, we saved a lot of money, but in hindsight we probably should've seen the surgeon instead of the magician."

"An ounce of prevention." "This way we don't need to raise as much."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'Don't spend it all at once.'