Comeback Comedians Gifts

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Woody Allen

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

Frank and Ernie's Classic Cars. '40s - '50s - '60s. Hi! Do you have any cars with fins in the back? Sorry, sir, nothing with Fins in the back -- but there are a couple with Norwegians in the trunk!

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

Leftie Trump

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'Is it just me or is a good man really that hard to find?'