Crisis Comedy Admirers Gifts

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

British savings accounts

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"It's true: no more burpees."

Non-Drip ?

Generic Store: Sign in Window

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

Happy Birthday Magicians of America

A small man under a giant microscope.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Returns"

"I shouldn't worry if I were you. You have a habit of landing on your feet..!"

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

Medieval King

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

"I told him. . . 'Norman, forget that woman! She's no good for you! I need you to run the Bates Motel! Norman! Are you listening to your mother?'"

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'

"I enjoy cooking my pets and my family."

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Newton - today: 'Help my research! Buy an apple 50 cents.'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

Moonbillies.

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

"He was famed for his work in Pantomime"

'This must be your son - I can see the resemblance.'