Crib Counselors Gifts

"They think I don't have a clue."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

Coping with a strong-willed child

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"Alright! Whoa! Yes! More boiled food!"

Sausages.

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"Let's hear some of that scout master wisdom now, sir!"

"All right, boys, we're had our fun."

'Hey - my dad promised that I'd get a gun.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Building a Shelter

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

'In general, do the right thing.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"You're completely screwed up."

"I was hoping summer camp would be more ... campy."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Jim Morrison Goes Camping

Sunny with a chance of Helium

'Okay guys - lights out!'