Credit Card Comedian Gifts

'God bless daddy, mommy, sis and that golf course I bought with dad's credit card.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Dear valued customer, due to your lack of discipline and total disregard for your credit limit, you're the customer of the month.'

"Do you take MasterCard?"

Hello, thank you for calling Mistercard. We are experiencing heavy call volume. Your call will be answered in the next 17 hours. In the meantime, your interest payments are continuing to rise. Please enjoy the hold music. You gotta admire the audacity.

'I'll pay cash, I only charge when I am enraged.'

'God bless daddy, mommy, sis and that golf course I bought with dad's credit card.'

You can now PAY FOR YOUR SINS by credit card.

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"Goodbye cruel world."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Secret Identity Theft.

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"Love you, love us, and I'm comfortable with our debt level."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

Borrowed 200K for mime school

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'