Credit Card Comedians Gifts

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"Goodbye cruel world."

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

"Today, the Cuban cigar closed higher against the US dollar, the pound, Yen, Yuan, and the Chinese egg roll."

"Do you take MasterCard?"

HA HA PAID NO TAXES

'Eddie, how about emerging Far East funds? The rumor is that China will come out with a velcro chopstick!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"It's from your student loan office."

"Officer, the washing machine ate my brother!"

'Talk about rough courses!'

Jack's Cards

'A withdrawal? †Oh, the cut-and-run type, eh?'