Credit Card Comedians Gifts

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Goodbye cruel world."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Darn, all these coupons are expired. We could have saved 50 cents on 9 cans of dog food.' 'We don't have a dog.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

"Do you take MasterCard?"

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

"Today, the Cuban cigar closed higher against the US dollar, the pound, Yen, Yuan, and the Chinese egg roll."

'Eddie, how about emerging Far East funds? The rumor is that China will come out with a velcro chopstick!'

HA HA PAID NO TAXES

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'Talk about rough courses!'

"Officer, the washing machine ate my brother!"

"It's from your student loan office."

Jack's Cards

The new ATMs.

"On the exchange markets today, the dollar lost ground against all major collectibles."