Currency Comedian Gifts

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"On the exchange markets today, the dollar lost ground against all major collectibles."

The new ATMs.

"Today, the Cuban cigar closed higher against the US dollar, the pound, Yen, Yuan, and the Chinese egg roll."

"Goodbye cruel world."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

White Collar Crime.

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

The Euro - R.I.P.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'