Crypto Comedian Gifts

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."

"Alexa, mine me some bitcoin."

Wait – it's not called Buttcoin? What did I just invest all my money in, then?

"So I misplaced a couple hundred Bitcoin. Maybe the dog ate the wallet. I din't know. S**t happens!"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Search for Rare Bitcoin

"OK-WHO THREW THAT..??

Hardware and software

"I warned him not to keep his bitcoins under the mattress."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"This is Pete, our cryptocurrency expert."

'These bitcoins things are backed by technology and the internet! What could possibly go wrong?'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

"For far too long, we've missed out on the opportunity to profit from our videos."

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

Tech Corp: Personnel Openings - We've reached our quota of nerds, but we are looking to hire geeks.

Donald Trump Wearing Russian Flag Cape

"Goodbye cruel world."

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'