Crafting Wit Gifts

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

Do it yourself books.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Sharp Eyes

'He never listened to his mother!'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Male On Sunday

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

Bell Hop

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

You're Out Of Order

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

Change Of Heart

Cross Umbrella

So I said, If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving you too much. Apparently, that's not what you're supposed to say to a traffic court judge.

'I thought I could dance...'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"High Fashion"

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."