Crafting With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: knitting

Do it yourself books.

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Knight with paint tin on his head.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Outlaw Quilting Bees

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

Man stands in front of rows of kangaroos next to a sign that reads "Final Clearance - Entire stock of kanagroos".

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

Santa checking out sleigh beds.

Kid imagines shop project getting an A; teacher imagines the same project in his fireplace.

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

Things You Say Wher You Are Officially Old - Volume # 1

"I wrote you a poem about how much I want to sh*g you!"

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

Breakages must be paid for

Chestnut crafts

"You also get a choice of finishes ? flat, semigloss or satan."

'I need to unwind after that.'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"It was a sweater when I began."

'Wow! Look at that one! It's got a flaming aardvark on the label! That's got to be good!'

"Oh my god, I'm board!"

'Instead of BOGOFs, I'm going to offer FUCOFs.' 'Right, what does that stand for?' 'Stand for?'

Sale: You can charge it.

Origami animals are being driven into a confetti factory slaughter house.

"It's a beginner's sewing kit I put together for you. There's scissors, needles, bandaids, gauze, antiseptic. . ."

1001 Hairball Crafts