Crafting Comedian Gifts

"It was a sweater when I began."

The Seam Reaper

'I need to unwind after that.'

Do it yourself books.

Before Powerpoint Presentations

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

Outlaw Quilting Bees

'That's gonna be a big job, boss.'

Private work adjustments

I like going across the frame of this solar energy facility we're building. I'm waling on a sunbeam!

Is the heating contractor mad about something? He just needs space to vent?

"Is this your first bricklaying job, Kevin...?"