Comical Craftsman Gifts

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Do it yourself books.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Bad Interview Technique

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

Stage producer.

'McWit never could build anything level.'

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

"I spent twelve years making this. Where's MY award?"

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

"All this mold is a good sign that our marketing content is getting a little stale."

Make Your Own

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

"Your script is fresh, imaginative, innovative, and groundbreaking. Now all you need to do is tweak it into a version of a proven blockbuster or an old TV sitcom and we'd love to green-light it."

Why the long face?

'Will you knock it off. Your set wasn't that bad.'

"Oh no! Set decorator and special effects wizard Emilio Ruiz del Rio, who worked on 'Dr. Zhivago,' 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Pan's Labyrinth' has died!"

Young Picasso In Woodshop

"O.K. kid, arts and crafts time - today we’ll be making your ransom note."

You gonna finish that?

'Are we painting their Birthday Suits?'

'I need to unwind after that.'

"It was a sweater when I began."