Joke Craftsman Gifts

Bad Interview Technique

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Do it yourself books.

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

Monkey Pee/Monkey Poo.

Stage producer.

What happened to "will work for food"? Will write funny gags for food. You Fusco Brothers need funny gags way more than you need your lawn mowed.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

'McWit never could build anything level.'

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

'Can, you hear me?'

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

"I spent twelve years making this. Where's MY award?"

Museum. Petrified Forest. What is the petrified forest scared of?

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

At the Laff-a-Mint

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Will you knock it off. Your set wasn't that bad.'

Young Picasso In Woodshop

You gonna finish that?

Before Powerpoint Presentations

'I need to unwind after that.'

"It was a sweater when I began."