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Bad Interview Technique

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Do it yourself books.

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

Stage producer.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

'McWit never could build anything level.'

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

'Can, you hear me?'

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

"I spent twelve years making this. Where's MY award?"

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

At the Laff-a-Mint

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Will you knock it off. Your set wasn't that bad.'

Young Picasso In Woodshop

'I need to unwind after that.'

'Are we painting their Birthday Suits?'

"It was a sweater when I began."