Woodworker Jokester T-Shirts

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Lovely dovetail."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

He likes to make work fun

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Bad Interview Technique

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

Waste Management.

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"Most projects require three hands."

Nick Offerman

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"