Court Systems Gifts

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"Damn it, Fenton. We can't refuse to hear every case."

'Can you fix it? Justice must be seen to be done!'

Jury Wearing "guilty as hell" t-shirts.

"There's no free legal advice. That's just our way of weeding out the time wasters."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

You know, counselor, for the past week you've been losing your case in spectacular fashion, and yet, when you walked in today, I decided to rule in your favor. I have now idea why. Hmm

Moral Bankruptcy Court

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'