Justice System Gifts

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

Maze of Legalities: Do not enter without an attorney.

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

"Good news. Your execution was overturned on appeal."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Before we begin, is it all right if I give each of the jury a small gift?.'

"I've always said - juries are impossible to predict."

"Can you hear me now?"

'I'd be a free man today if it weren't for all the witnesses, the evidence and my confession.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'The jury foreman said they that they are unanimously deadlocked.'

'It doesn't look good for your sentencing.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury duty..."

'On the charge of resisting arrest, how does the defendant plead?'

'I got out on parole.'

"We're requesting a change of venue to his grandma's house where he can do no wrong."

"Hell—let's exhaust our illegal options too."

"The people thank and excuse juror number 2."

"This could be a problem."

"This is good. If he's asleep it's grounds for an appeal. If he's dead it's a mistrial."

"Here they come!"

"The plea bargain agreement is you plead guilty and charges against my next two clients will be dropped."

"I probably deserved a twenty year sentence, but did he have to do it in a Donald Duck voice?"

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

"Your Honor, gangsta rap made me do it."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'What makes you think he's getting special treatment?'

'Excuse me - any news of my rehabilitation programme?'

'..but at the end of the day it was just my word against the DNA.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Hey. You're back.'

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'