Judicial Systems Gifts

'It's time for your sentence. Which wrist would you like to be slapped on?'

'My conscience is clear. I've issued an apology to the families of anyone I wrongfully sentenced to death.'

Graduation at the executioner's school

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Truth

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'I got a suspended sentence.'