Judicial System Gifts

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

Judge hearing two cases at once

Judge drops gavel on jury members with cell phones.

Lady Justice in front of the firing squad.

"I hereby announce my retirement as a justice of the supreme court of the United States. You won't have Seven Breyer to kick around anymore!"

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

A jury in court

''The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'? -- How patriarchal can you get?'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

'He can throw himself on our mercy til the cows come home... guilty.'

"This court has a zero tolerance policy."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Truth

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'