Legal System Gifts

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse." "I didn't know that, either..."

"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

"Your Honor, the defense contends its client could never get a fair trial in this court."

"In the interest of streamlining the judicial process, we'll skip the evidence and go directly to sentencing."

"The plea bargain was for a slap on the wrist, not a smack on the head!"

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

"Your Honor, wrong robe."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Look, I'm not blaming you. I'm just suing you."

"Unfortunately, the law allows me no leeway in the case of an acquittal. I have to let you go."

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"

"Are you all agreed upon this verdict?"

Court of Appeals: Trial and Errors.

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

"How much justice can you afford?"

Mike gets his very first subpoena: 'Oh, boy! Is the RSVP card inside?'

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

'A fair trial was probably too much to expect with His Honor hailing from Boston and my client being a known Yankee fan!'

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

"I seek vindication." "I seek three hundred dollars an hour."

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"Overruled."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

"There've been some cutbacks in the witness protection program since you agreed to participate."

'I firmly believe in the right to a speedy trial.'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'Don't worry about a thing. Nothing is anyone's fault anymore.'