Legal System Gifts

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse." "I didn't know that, either..."

"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

"Your Honor, the defense contends its client could never get a fair trial in this court."

"In the interest of streamlining the judicial process, we'll skip the evidence and go directly to sentencing."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

"The plea bargain was for a slap on the wrist, not a smack on the head!"

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

"Your Honor, wrong robe."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Unfortunately, the law allows me no leeway in the case of an acquittal. I have to let you go."

"Look, I'm not blaming you. I'm just suing you."

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"

Court of Appeals: Trial and Errors.

"Are you all agreed upon this verdict?"

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'A fair trial was probably too much to expect with His Honor hailing from Boston and my client being a known Yankee fan!'

"How much justice can you afford?"

Mike gets his very first subpoena: 'Oh, boy! Is the RSVP card inside?'

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

"I seek vindication." "I seek three hundred dollars an hour."

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

Truth, justice and a damn good lawyer.

'You have the right to legal representation, if you can't afford a lawyer, an inexperienced, second rate one will be appointed to you.'

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

'Ooh look, the Palestinians want to bring a case against Israel!'

'I firmly believe in the right to a speedy trial.'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'