Courts Gifts

'Something about this court makes me uneasy.'

"Oh stop judging me, Gerald!"

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"Be advised, Counsellor, the court will not tolerate a circuslike atmosphere."

'How did you get them to drop the corruption charges?'

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'Just because you're the lowest scum of the Earth, a complete misfit of society, a smalltime worthless punch, doesn't mean I won't give you a fairy trial.'

'... and you say sorry for blowing raspberries during his closing address.'

"I've always been pretty good with the ladies" - Small claims court.

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'Yes, your honor, we finally have a unanimous verdict.'

"My client demands that he be treated no better than any other celebrity."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Good news - we can enter an appeal! I just found out that the judge as well as the jury were vegetarians!'

"Yes, please approach the bench...but not too close."

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'Prisons are overcrowded and a drag on the economy, so I'm sentencing you to six months of jury duty.'

'Don't bother Daddy. He overturned fourteen lower court decisions today.'

'The county is serious about streamlining the judicial process.'

It was a bum rap.

"I thought it was one of those laws that's never enforced."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?"

"They've decided to settle out of court."

This is a Barrister and as such has a simple dress code of grey and black, however he allows himself the indulgence of racy underwear. Give him colourful briefs.

Jury foreman decides using a coin flip.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'How do you plead, guilty or not guilty yet?'

Murphy, Murphy & Murphy - Attorneys of our law.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'

Innocent / Guilty