Court Case Gifts

Judge: 'I will not have this courtroom be turned into a circus! ... no matter how fun it may be.'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'It had a happy ending... the guy loses the girl, but finds a good attorney.'

"The Judge gave me a choice - marry his daughter or go to jail. You're looking at a happy man."

'Wait a minute — weren't you in here last month with a paternity suit?'

'There are plenty of entries, with lots of graphic detail, Mrs. Greer, but I don't think your husband's wine diary is sufficient evidence for divorce.'

"Thank you, madam, but it's a parking ticket. The prosecution doesn't need you to testify against your husband."

"Please go easy on my client. He's suffered enough with all the internet shaming."

Trial by Media

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Justice 4 Ron

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Sue The Bastards

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."