Court Trials Gifts

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'This trial will take approximately one week despite the defendant's obvious guilt.'

'What do you have for the recently subpoenaed?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'

Lawyer to jury: 'Jury members, may I remind you: my client being sickened by this is not the first time consumers have fallen ill to this company's gross domestic product.'

'But my client has multiple personalities, your honor - and some of them AREN'T guilty.'

27 attorneys. No waiting.

'This isn't a case for just any personal injury lawyer. You're going to need a folksy one.'

Singing - "Hang down your head Norm Gutterman, hang down your head and cry..."

'The defendant has such a good attorney, we figured he must be guilty!'

Scored high on the Breathalyzer test.

'I suppose this is going to be another round of criminal-bashing, isn't it?'

'M'Lud, I know this is your first day, but I think you need to stop shouting I AM THE LAW!'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

Trial by Media

I love Lawyers

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Barristers

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Sue The Bastards