Trials Gifts

"Could my client be innocent? Probably not. My point is it's interesting to think about."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

Nude Defending a Staircase

"Don't make me come down there."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Since you insist on defending yourself, I feel April first would be an appropriate trial date...'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

'Permission to treat the witness as a hostile, self-important, arrogant jackass.'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'How did you get them to drop the corruption charges?'

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

'Clever defense, but I can't buy calling insider trading an 'alternate lifestyle.''

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"I've found a perfect case in point. Trouble is the court found for the other side."

A witness giving testimony in court

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?'

"I don't mind your acting as your own attorney, but would you please stop hopping on and off that damned chair?"

'I don't want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! I just want the plain facts!'

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

'Your first trial?'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'Your honor, my client would like to plead not guilty because he's showing remorse.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'What do we win if we get it right?'

"There've been some cutbacks in the witness protection program since you agreed to participate."

An identity thief takes the stand.

I love Lawyers

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

"And now a little number that asks the musical question 'Do you recognize this meat cleaver?'"

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''