Court Programs Gifts

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Barristers

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Justice 4 Ron

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Moral Bankruptcy Court

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'

"Your honor, my client won't contest the 4 billion counts of breaking and entering, but pleads not guilty to breaking into his own house because he forgot his key when his wife was asleep and couldn't hear him."

All-Purpose attorney has all his specialisation running away from him