Court Shows Gifts

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Gary turns 40.

Succession 2

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

'It's not so much to protect his identity - he's just ugly.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

'How bad is it?'

"The jury will disregard this witness' testimony as nothing but hearsay!"

The Great Banzinni discovers the oldest trick in the book.

Billy Box lived here...Oh, no he didn't...Oh, yes he did.

'Timeout! ... Coaching change.'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'Your Honor, my client was driven to commit the crime by subliminal messages on the Lawrence Welk Show.'

"In light of the recent normalization of so much abhorrent speech and behavior, the defendant respectfully enters a plea of "Seriously?" to the crimes he's charged with!"

"That M'lud, is the prosecutions case."

A barrister with his first brief