Court Entertainer Gifts

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

Gary turns 40.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

"The boss is charging. I knew you shouldn't have worn that red tie."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

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'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

The hour of justice

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Let's take in a trial."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Counsel examining witness

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'